In the early days getting out of bed was a challenge, trying to deal with everyday stresses was a challenge but somehow teaching made it manageable. Teaching for me was an escape from my reality. I knew the drill, got to school, follow my planners, help my students achieve and be happy learners. There were moments I couldn't breath, moments where I would go into the toilets at work and cry but always I pulled myself together and went back into that classroom for those students. They made my life worth something, I was making a difference in their lives and without them knowing it they were making a difference in mine.
Each day became easier, each day I could breath a little better, each day the attacks got less server.
I decided to write this as I have come to know lots of teachers who suffer from anxiety and depression and at times struggle to come to school, just like me. It's hard it consumes you, controls you in fact and makes everyday things seem impossible and unachievable.
For me the mornings were hard, getting up and wanting to live was hard but I took that leap, when I least wanted to get up I did it. I did it for my partner, my family, my self and a huge reason was for my students!
I want other people suffering to know that its ok to feel it, its ok to not want to get up but when your having a tough day just try it once, force yourself to get up and go to work!
You will go to work and you will have most likely an average day but you will feel success because that morning you overcame all the darkness and you did it! The next time you will remember that last time and it will be easier and every time after that no matter how tough will be easier.
I know everyone is different and this is just a part of my story but school helped me, making a difference in the lives of my students helped me, in fact potentially saved me. I hope that this inspires just one person who is suffering to get up and face the day and go yes I succeed today I won against my mental illness and I can do that same tomorrow!